Oh My God! Take a look at our economy. What the hell’s going on?
Lots of people are worried. Many figure it’s best to get rich. Get rich quick. Get rich dirty. Get rich any way you can and let the peasants grovel for the remnants.
In that spirit, here are 34 suggestions:
1) Make some money. Make some more money. Spend some but less than you’re making. Stack money until flush.
2) People always give money to rich people. Tell people you’re rich. Tell more people you’re rich. Go on television and tell the nation you’re rich. Keep talking till you’re rolling in swill.
3) Read books on how to get rich by Donald Trump, Jeff Bezos and Paul Allen. Better yet, be Donald Trump, Jeff Bezos and Paul Allen.
4) Wait till an aging Rockefeller croaks, then pass yourself as a distant cousin at the will settlement. Abscond with money to Brazil.
5) Acquire the IQ of Bill Gates and live life as a super-nerd.
6) Put Warren Buffet under hypnosis and learn his secrets. The real secrets, not the crumbs he’s tossing to the masses.
7) Become a Hollywood celebrity and soak the public for the usual “starving refugee” cause. Stash proceeds in Swiss bank account.
Marry a rich bitch and strip her money.
9) Join a tribe and open a casino.
10) Instigate war in poor country. Make killing in arms sales.
11) Engage in insider trading, then make your father President during the SEC investigation.
12) Make a fortune in finance and refuse to pay taxes. Donate slush fund to Presidential Library after pardon for tax evasion.
13) Buy low and sell high. Buy lower and sell higher. Buy lowest and sell highest.
14) Retire as CEO of energy firm to serve in government. Invade resource-rich country and cash in stock options.
15) Muscle up and become a Hip-Hop artist. No talent required.
16) Purchase fire insurance for city. Torch city.
17) Build a Federal Reserve Bank and inflate the currency.
18) Construct an Internal Revenue Service and bilk the working class.
19) Dynamite the levees during a hurricane, then purchase land for a song. Install former homeowners in broken down trailers.
20) Grow your hair long and bang your guitar in tight jeans.
21) Warble a song and show some cleavage.
22) Become a stock broker. Tell clients to Buy, Sell, Buy, Sell, Buy, Sell. Bank the commissions.
23) Cook the books and cash out the employees retirement fund.
25) Become a Televangelist. Inform viewers they will “Burn in Hell” if they don’t contribute to your ministry.
26) Get the public excited about the stock market, then sell short.
27) Write books on “How to be Rich.” Collect mega-royalties.
28) Talk down to people as if they’re ten year old children. They’ll shower you with cash.
29) Frighten the masses with terror alerts, then sell them duct-tape and plastic sheeting.
30) Pay the workers a steadily declining real wage.
31) Encourage homeowners to mortgage their properties, then crash the market and repossess homes.
32) Make an honest living. Pay taxes and obey the law. Then you . . . oh wait a minute . . . that won’t work . . .
33) Sow big money in campaign. Reap bigger money in harvest.
34) Ask the author how to be rich, then do the exact opposite.
Deadly Angel author Andrew Cofrin
